Skulduggery and Holmes
by tomatoesonstrings
Summary: Multi-chapter story based on Skulduggery Pleasant and 2009 Sherlock Holmes! Valduggery and a small amout of accidental Shwatsonlock ;D  Enjoy and please review!


**New story! **

**As you can probably guess, I'm in love with Dr. Watson...**

**Valkyrie's 22ish**

* * *

><p>Skulduggery Pleasant slammed down the investigation file onto his desk, sighing. Valkyrie Cain sat back in his black leather sofa.<p>

'I'm starting to think that this case is impossible.' He said quietly. Valkyrie nodded from behind him and sighed.

'Okay, go through it one more time.' He nodded.

'Thurid Guild has managed to escape from prison. We've checked his holding cell, and nothing. Just one crack in the floor.'

'The crack could be Sanguine.'

'But this is just one tiny break in the concrete floor.'

'Could it be Scarab?'

'He died two weeks ago.'

'Um, okay, what about Remus?'

'Driven mad-Guild wouldn't trust him anymore.' Valkyrie breathed deeply and rubbed her eye.'

'This is a nightmare.'

'Indeed.'

And then there was a knock on his front door.

Skulduggery quickly activated his facade and walked to the hall, Valkyrie following. He opened the door to see Erskine Ravel.

'Erskine-what brings you here?' Ravel smiled.

'Hello Skulduggery, Valkyrie; I was just wandering how the case was going?' Skulduggery hesitated.

'Um, well, it's...not going anywhere.'

'I see. Well, since I am the grand mage, I have enlisted some help with your detecting.'

'Who?' Valkyrie asked. Erskine nodded behind him, as two men walked up to the open front door, whilst Erskine slipped away down the front steps back to his car.

The first man was dressed in a Victorian black waistcoat with silver embroidery across it. His hair was black and shaggy, almost curly, stubble across his face. He barged up to Skulduggery.

'Sherlock Holmes of Baker Street,' he said; voice velvety like Skulduggerys, but with an English accent instead of Irish, 'I've come to investigate the disappearance of Thurid Guild along with my assistant. Investigation brief?' Skulduggery blinked and swallowed.

'First room on the right.' He said quietly. Sherlock nodded and pushed gently passed him.

The second man was dressed in a deep grey Victorian suit, an intricate black and silver cane in hand, top hat and black gloves adding to his gentlemanly attire. He was good-looking, with a light brown distinctive moustache above his gentle smile.

'Dr John Watson,' he said calmly, ' do forgive inspector Holmes -he can be quite...forward.' Skulduggery shook his head.

'Oh no, it's-' Valkyrie quickly pushed Skulduggery out of the way and stood directly in front of the doctor.

'-It's okay Dr. Watson-shall I take your hat?' He nodded and handed it to her.

'Thank-you; what was your-?'

'Valkyrie Cain, but everyone calls me Val.'

'Thank-you Valkyrie.' He said, pushing politely passed her, walking in the direction of where Holmes disappeared to. Valkyrie immediately spun round, eyes slowly descending towards Watsons' backside. Skulduggery coughed loudly. She looked up at him.

'What?' She said. He frowned.

'Don't.'

'Don't what?'

'Don't...stare at...' She rolled her eyes.

'Well, he is very fit.'

'And about ten years older than you.' She sighed.

'Whatever.' Valkyrie said, and followed Watson along with Skulduggery.

Sherlock was sitting at Skulduggerys desk, legs crossed on top of it. The case notes were littered on the floor around Sherlock; Watson leaning against the filing cabinet. Skulduggery stared at the notes around the floor, his eyes widening.

'What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?' Holmes looked up from the notes he was reading.

'My job.'

'Those pieces of paper were in that order for a reason!'

'Were they? So sorry.' He brought out of his pocket a brown and black pipe and a small box of tobacco.

'Would you be so kind as to lend me a flame?' Holmes said. Skulduggery stared at him.

'How did you-'

'There's ash on your gloves, and, judging by this case and those books on your shelf, you seem to be somewhat involved in the world of magic-so will you please?' Skulduggery hesitated, and then clicked his fingers, summoning a small flame.

'Remarkable.' Watson said quietly. Skulduggery held the flame to Sherlock's pipe. It burned brightly, and then reseeded.

'Not a word about this.' Skulduggery said. Sherlock nodded and jammed the pipe between his teeth.

'Not a whisper my good sir.'

Whilst this was happening, Valkyrie was edging closer towards Watson. He looked at her.

'Are you quite alright?'

'Oh I'm perfect!' Watson blinked, but didn't say anything. Valkyrie edged towards him once more.

'So...you're hot.'

'Valkyrie!' Skulduggery barked.

'What?'

'Stop flirting with people about ten years older than you!'

'Well, how old are y-' She quickly stopped talking. They looked at each other, and then Skulduggery and looked at the floor. Holmes and Watson glanced at each other with raised eyebrows. Sherlock whistled, with difficulty, around his pipe.

'Blindness can be such a tragic affair.' Skulduggerys head snapped up to greet Holmes with a fiery glare.

'I beg your pardon?'

'Nothing at all.' Sherlock said and stood up, taking the pipe out of his mouth. He walked up to Skulduggery, staring at his features. Skulduggery leaned back slightly, slowly raising an eyebrow.

'Can I help?' Holmes circled him, eyeing him up and down.

'You're mad, you kno-' Skulduggery began.

'Sh.' Holmes said, holding up a finger to silence him. Skulduggery frowned and folded his arms.

'I do not wish to be examined by some mad-man.' Sherlock stopped in front of him again and grabbed Skulduggerys wrist.

'Ow!'

'Sush.'

There was a few seconds of silence, before Sherlock rammed his ear into Skulduggerys chest.

'What!' Skulduggery yelped.

'Be quiet!'

'You're mad, you've absolutely lost it.' Skulduggery said quietly. Holmes hesitated, and then nodded, standing up straight.

'Dead.' Watson blinked.

'Pardon?' Sherlock pointed at Skulduggery.

'This man here; sorry, what was your name?'

'Skulduggery.'

'-Skulduggery here, is dead.' Skulduggery raised his head, but didn't say anything. Watson frowned.

'Dead?'

'Completely deceased, kaput, should be six feet down in the earth.' Skulduggerys eyes flickered to Valkyrie who was looking at him.

'How did he know?' She mouthed.

'I don't know.' He mouthed back. Sherlock beckoned Watson over.

'Listen for yourself.' He said, jamming his pipe back into his mouth. Watson walked over and held on to Skulduggerys wrist, feeling for a pulse.

'How...incomprehensible.' Watson said.

'I _thought _his skin didn't look real.'

'There_ is_ something waxy about it.'

'There's no heartbeat either-how does he manage to stay upright?' Skulduggery hesitated.

'Do you want to know who I am?'

'Yes.' Sherlock said.

'Are you sure?'

'Quite sure.'

'...Okay, but it might give you a bit of a fright, and not a word about this to anyone.'

'Right.' Skulduggery nodded, hesitated again, and tapped the symbols etched on his collar-bone. His face slid away to reveal the skeleton he was. Watson stepped back, whilst Sherlock raised his eyebrows and took another puff of his pipe.

'Intriguing.' Skulduggery nodded and stood patiently while Holmes and Watson circled him.

'Can you still speak?' Watson asked.

'Yes I can.'

'Fascinating.'

'Indeed I am.'

'Is this all magic? Holding you together, enabling you to speak?' Holmes asked.

'It is.'

'How long have you been like this?'

'...A very, very long time.' Watson nodded slowly.

'And Valkyrie, is she-' Valkyrie laughed.

'Don't worry, I'm perfectly normal.'

'As normal as anyone could be when they've become attracted to a skeleton.' Holmes said quietly. Valkyrie stared at him.

'What did you say?'

'Nothing, nothing at all.' Skulduggery stepped back slightly.

'Have you finished examining me yet?' Watson nodded.

'So sorry my good man; I just, feel overwhelmed by curiosity.'

'Understandable.'

'Quite.'

'Can we begin the investigation now?' Sherlock said. Skulduggery nodded.

'Has Erskine run through the brief with you two?' Sherlock leaned against the door and nodded.

'Yes, your ex-leader committed some dastardly awful crime, he was sent to prison, and now someone has managed to help him escape.'

'Mm, that's the basic idea-do you know the suspects?'

'Someone called Sanguine and someone called Scarab-such perplexing names.' Skulduggery shook his head.

'Scarab's dead, so that puts him at a minor setback for committing a prison break.'

'I see-we'll need to go to the scene of the crime.'

'Why?'

'I have inkling.' The skeleton shrugged.

'Very well-to the Bentley then.'

'What on Earths is a 'Bentley'?' Watson asked. Skulduggery hesitated.

'...You know that metal box thing on wheels that Erskine Ravel and you two travelled in to get to here?'

'Yes?'

'The Bentley is pretty much the same thing, only bigger, and faster, and sleeker, and-' Valkyrie sighed.

'Yes, alright Skul, I think they get it.' Holmes looked at them and gnawed at the end of his pipe as Watson went and stood next to him.

'Squabbling like an old married couple.' Holmes mumbled. Skulduggery looked at him.

'What's that now?'

'I was just wandering if you were married.'

'...No, no I'm not...why?' Holmes shook his head.

'No reason-just, you clearly should be thinking about the woman standing in the room, I think her ring size is K.' Watson stamped on his foot to shut him up.

'Holmes!' He hissed. Valkyrie turned beet-red, as Skulduggery straightened his tie.

'To...to the Bentley then.' He walked past Watson and Holmes and let himself out of the door, followed by Valkyrie. Holmes started out of the door, before Watson grabbed his shoulder and spun him round to look at him.

'If you do not behave yourself around these peoples company, you're going to get us both fired!' Holmes took the pipe out of his mouth.

'And if you don't stop stamping on peoples feet, you'll lose your position as my doctor.'

'Your foot is fine.'

'The foot may be fine but the toes are not.' Watson sighed inwardly and pushed past him, walking towards the direction of Skulduggery and Valkyrie. Sherlock smirked to himself and followed him.


End file.
